If you are reading this, there is a great likelihood that you have never attended a Philadelphia Eagles game before and are curious about the atmosphere at the stadium. You have almost certainly heard stories about our fans and our behavior and are probably wandering ‘Do I want to bring myself or my family to a Philadelphia Eagles game?’ Hopefully, by the end of this column, you will have a complete understanding of what to expect from an Eagles crowd and whether or not you will enjoy yourself.
(Before we go any further, I am not endorsing or promoting anything you are about to read. These are simply my own observations that I am sharing with you to inform you, the paying customer, exactly what you are subjecting yourself to when you walk through the turnstiles).
First and foremost, you need to accept the fact that unlike Phillies games, Eagles games are not family-friendly. They never have been and they never will be. In fact, don’t even look at Lincoln Financial Field as a football stadium. Look at it as a 70,000 seat bar. While many people go to a bar to relax, grab a bite to eat, and just enjoy themselves, many others enter the establishment with the intent of getting blasted beyond comprehension. In fact, some people enter the bar already blasted beyond comprehension. You know what else happens at a bar full of drunken people? People say lewd and incredibly obscene things. And these things are often said LOUDLY. On occasion, people take exception to these obscenities and fights break out for stupid reasons. I can assure you that you will witness at least one fight before, during, or after the game.
Remember George Carlin’s ‘Seven words you can’t say on television’? You will hear at least four of them throughout the course of the game. Repeatedly. While I am sure you are looking to enhance your child’s vocabulary at every opportunity possible, you have to ask yourself if what he/she hears at the Linc is appropriate to add to their repertoire. Simply put, this is worse than the occasional four-letter word they hear on the playground every day.
You’re probably asking yourself, why is the crowd like this?
People like to describe Eagle fans as a ‘blue-collar crowd’. That is simply a euphemism for ‘Miserable middle-aged drunkard’. Many of these people have worked long and hard at jobs they hate all week and the Eagle game is the best three hours of the week they get. They’ve been sucking down Wild Turkey in the parking lot for three hours and are ready to see their team put a butt-kicking on whoever they play. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen and when it doesn’t, they become incensed and start screaming all kinds of horrible things I can’t print. If this happens, I highly suggest you ignore it because it is not being directed at you personally. Saying ‘Hey, watch your mouth, there’s kids around!’ is pointless. He doesn’t care. Neither does anyone else. This is a bar, remember?
By the way, you will see roughly five versions of this guy in your section alone.
If you are an opposing fan I have a simple suggestion. Don’t attend a game here. It is not safe. Eagle fans are parochial to the extreme and love to enjoy the game with other Eagle fans. I will make it clear in no uncertain terms:
YOU ARE NOT WANTED HERE
At best, you will feel uncomfortable. At worst, you will fear for your own safety. Although 99% of the fans will likely leave you alone, remember that 1 percent of 70,000 people is still 700 (Or roughly 10 per section). People will taunt you and possibly throw things at you. In rare circumstances, looking at a plumber or a non-union carpenter in a Keith Byars jersey wrong may even suggest you’re looking for a fight. And I guarantee you will weigh the pros and cons of relieving your bladder when you realize that you’re the only opposing fan waiting in the lines at the end of the game. Your concerns will be tenfold if the Eagles ended up losing the game and you are spotted with a smile on your face.
Again, I am not condoning any of the things that occur before, during, and after the game. I just don’t want to tell you something smells like roses when it really smells like a combination of skunked beer and urine. This is what you are getting yourself into when you walk into that stadium, and barring an unforeseen miracle it will never, ever change.
See you at the opener!